The+Staffins 

This is an excerpt taken from Thomas Beller’s “The Problem with T-Shirts.”

There are those for whom a T-shirt is just another name for an undershirt, the sort of thing that never sees the light of day. But for others, myself included, T-Shirts often are the main event, and the arrival of spring has prompted me to reconsider my T-Shirts, and the problems that go with them…

Now and then a T-shirt fad will pop up, but they’re never very convincing. Some time ago Frankie Says Relax was popular. Now, it’s the Phillies Blunt logo. I’ve always preferred more eclectic T-Shirts, such as the one I recently received which promotes a publication titled “Pain Digest.” The logo sprawls across the chest, big white letters against dark blue, and the phrase “Advanced Literature for Pain,” runs across the back. This item has always been popular at adventuresome social occasions.[|»] With the arrival of authentic T-shirt weather, I found myself in a contemplative mode, staring into a drawer devoted exclusively to T-Shirts. I had just done the wash, and they lay in two neat square piles, like a multicolored layer cake. Some were fairly new, while others were six or seven years old. Each of the older ones had been acquired during a long departed era. They were like souvenirs from a trip I’d once taken. I reached into the pile and felt fabric as soft as cashmere and as cool and smooth as silk. And here is the real problem with T-Shirts: they improve with age, getting better and better until one day, they disappear. Their finest moment is their grand finale. This is true of shoes and jeans too – especially now days, when the more torn and frayed the better – but shoes can always be resoled and Jeans can be patched, and both, when all is finally lost, still have a physical presence, a weight you can feel on your hand. But T-Shirts will just keep getting thinner and finer until they’re gone. One moment it is perfect, and then a tiny hole appears, and then another; a tear along the seam might develop, and one day you reach into your drawer and pull out what to the untrained eye would look a handkerchief. What then? Of course you just throw it out. But there’s a catch. One doesn’t have to be wildly sentimental to get attached to a T-shirt that used to belong to an old flame, or the one advertising a high school or college in faded letters, or even that ridiculous thing that one swore would never see the light of day but has taken on some importance because you were a whole other person when you first slipped it on. These objects are as evocative as snapshots. They’re documents, but they can’t be reproduced. My own solution, I discovered that day, is an informal T-shirt Hall of Fame. Way down at the bottom of the drawer several T-Shirts are lying in state, like antiquities. Sometimes, when I’m fumbling around for a newer model, I’ll reach down into the cool darkness and brush against their fragile surfaces, waiting there like understudies for one last day in the sun.

1. What is the speaker’s primary purpose in writing this passage? (A) To maximize the lens at which one views an ordinary object (B) To allow the reader to go in-role as a T-Shirt (C) To enforce the impact changing times have on a consumer’s clothing choice (D) To bring the reader’s attention to the drastic effects of clothing (E) To contrast T-Shirts to other articles of clothing

2. The phrase “waiting there like understudies for one last day in the sun” (last sentence) contains which of the following? (A) A metaphor (B) Personification (C) Onomatopoeia (D) A simile (E) Alliteration

3. The sentence “There are those for whom a T-shirt is just another name for an undershirt, the sort of thing that never sees the light of day” (first sentence) contains which of the following? (A) A metaphor (B) Personification (C) Onomatopoeia (D) A simile (E) Alliteration

4. The contrast between new T-Shirts and old T-Shirts is based on (A) Time (B) The character of the person who is wearing it (C) Memories (D) All of the above (E) A and C

5. The tone of the passage is (A) Serious (B) Humorous (C) Heart –warming (D) Suspenseful (E) Unrealistic

6. Finish the analogy: An old shoe is to a barbell as a ripped T-shirt is to… (A) A ripped pair of jeans (B) A patch (C) The sole of a shoe (D) All of the above (E) None of the above

7. In “The Problem with T-Shirts,” the speaker seeks to interest us in the subject of the wearing away of T-Shirts in paragraph 4, by stressing the… (A) Importance of new fads (B) Life of a T-Shirt (C) Fact that even the least sentimental people have a sentimental side (D) Psychology behind the purchase of a T-Shirt (E) Different kinds of T-Shirts that appeal to people

When I pulled the trigger I did not hear the bang or feel the kick--one never does when a shot goes home--but I heard the devilish roar of glee that went up from the crowd. In that instant, in too short a time, one would have thought, even for the bullet to get there, a mysterious, terrible change had come over the elephant. He neither stirred nor fell, but every line of his body had altered. He looked suddenly stricken, shrunken, immensely old, as though the frightful impact of the bullet had paralyzed him without knocking him down. At last, after what seemed a long time- -it might have been five seconds, I dare say--he sagged flabbily to his knees. His mouth slobbered. An enormous senility seemed to have settled upon him. One could have imagined him thousands of years old. I fired again into the same spot. At the second shot he did not collapse but climbed with desperate slowness to his feet and stood weakly upright, with legs sagging and head drooping. I fired a third time. That was the shot that did for him. You could see the agony of it jolt his whole body and knock the last remnant of strength from his legs. But in falling he seemed for a moment to rise, for as his hind legs collapsed beneath him he seemed to tower upward like a huge rock toppling, his trunk reaching skyward like a tree. He trumpeted, for the first and only time. And then down he came, his belly towards me, with a crash that seemed to shake the ground even where I lay.

I got up. The Burmans were already racing past me across the mud. It was obvious that the elephant would never rise again, but he was not dead. He was breathing very rhythmically with long rattling gasps, his great mound of a side painfully rising and falling. His mouth was wide open--I could see far down into caverns of pale pink throat. I waited a long time for him to die, but his breathing did not weaken. Finally I fired my two remaining shots into the spot where I thought his heart must be. The thick blood welled out of him like red velvet, but still he did not die. His body did not even jerk when the shots hit him, the tortured breathing continued without a pause. He was dying, very slowly and in great agony, but in some world remote from me where not even a bullet could damage him further. I felt that I had got to put an end to that dreadful noise. It seemed dreadful to see the great beast Lying there, powerless to move and yet powerless to die, and not even to be able to finish him. I sent back for my small rifle and poured shot after shot into his heart and down his throat. They seemed to make no impression. The tortured gasps continued as steadily as the ticking of a clock.

In the end I could not stand it any longer and went away. I heard later that it took him half an hour to die. Burmans were bringing dahs and baskets even before I left, and I was told they had stripped his body almost to the bones by the afternoon.

8.Which of the following would the author be least likely to encourage in a killing? (A) hanging (B) hour long torture (C) drowning (D) electric chair (E) shooting in the head

9. The phrase “waiting there like understudies for one last day in the sun” (last sentence) contains which of the following? (A) A metaphor (B) Personification (C) Onomatopoeia (D) A simile (E) Alliteration

10. What was the contrast between the narrator and the Burmans as the elephant died? I. The narrator was satisfied but the Burmans were not II. The narrator was not satisfied but the Burmans were III. The narrator was desperate but the Burmans were ecstatic (A) I only (B) II only (C) III only (D) II and III (E) I, II, and III

11. In the first sentence, the phrase "goes home," refers most closely to... (A) a house (B) a home run (C) a bulls-eye (D) missing a target (E) killing a target

12. In the phrase “he sagged flabbily to his knees" the author uses which of which of the following? (A) A metaphor (B) Consonance (C) Onomatopoeia (D) A simile (E) Alliteration

13. Why did the narrator go into such great detail when describing the death of the elephant? I. The narrator was very intrigued by the elephants dying movements II. The narrator wanted to give the reader a similar experience to his III. The narrator wanted to relive the moment (A) I only (B) II only (C) III only (D) II and III (E) I, II, and III

14. From this passage, what can we infer about the personality of the author (A) He is tough and ruthless (B) He is soft and wimpy (C) He is a man of strong emotions (D) He is a man of little feelings (E) He loves animals

15. The general tone of this passage is (A) humorous (B) gruesome (C) serious and dramatic (D) nostalgic (E) longing

16. Which of these following statements would Orwell agree with? (A) A living thing should not be left to suffer (B) Living things should not be killed (C) Elephants are too strong (D) dreadful noises should be silenced quickly (E) The third shot is always the one that hits home

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity. But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition. In a sense we've come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the "unalienable Rights" of "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note, insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so, we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice...

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood. I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today! I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers. I have a dream today! I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."2 This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day. And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning

2 Isaiah 40:4-5 (King James Version of the Holy Bible). Quotation marks are excluded from part of this moment in the text because King's rendering of Isaiah 40:4 does not precisely follow the KJV version from which he quotes (e.g., "hill" and "mountain" are reversed in the KJV). King's rendering of Isaiah 40:5, however, is precisely quoted from the KJV.

17. "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together." is an example of (A) Alliteration (B) Irony (C) Satire (D) An illusion (E) Onomatopoeia

18. Martin Luther King's doge slogan would be (A) So peace (B) Much hate (C) Very humor (D) Such fight (E) Wow.

19. This speech is made up mainly of (A) Similes (B) Metaphors (C) Fighting words (D) Opinions (E) Suggestions

20. Martin Luther King's dream is best described as a (A) wish for all mankind (B) speech thought up in his sleep (C) warning (D) far fetched hope (E) satire

21. What effect does King create on the audience by naming the states in paragraph four? l. He points out specifically which states should have racial equality ll. He emphasizes the idea of equality being everywhere in the country lll. He relates more directly to his audience by talking about equality existing in their home states (A) I only (B) II only (C) III only (D) II and III (E) I, II, and III

22. King would agree with which of the following statements? (A) A man should fight to the death for what he believes in (B) Violence is never the answer (C) Every man is created equal (D) The government is not good (E) Black men should be greater than white men

23. What is King referring to when he says " I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight" (A) The Rocky Mountains (B) The Grand Canyon (C) The varying rights of the different races (D) The government (E) God

24. What was the point in quoting works such as the Bible and the Declaration? l. People could be reminded of the morals this country was built upon ll. To sound official lll. To relate to people using works they were familiar with and had built their morals upon (A) I only (B) II only (C) III only (D) I and III (E) I, II, and III

25. King's personality could be best described as (A) fierce (B) happy (C) strong and peaceful (D) light hearted (E) pleasant

Answers 1. The correct answer is (A). Although choices (C) and (E) both appear in the passage, they represent the topics of specific paragraphs while choice (A) explains the author’s purpose throughout the whole passage. Choice (D) is a literal translation of the title, but the passage goes on to explain not only what the negatives of T-Shirts are, but why they are so and what the reactions are to old T-Shirts. Choice (B) can be eliminated because just because a lens is maximized does not mean the author actually pulls the reader into the life of a T-Shirt. 2. The correct answer is (D). A simile is used when the author relates two objects or ideas with the words “like,” or “as.” In this passage, Beller relates T-Shirts to understudies using the word “like.” A metaphor states that something is something else without using these words, choice (A), personification is giving human characteristics to an inanimate object, choice (B), onomatopoeia is a word that sound like what they are supposed to mean choice (C), and alliteration is a phrase that repeats a constant sound, choice (E). 3. The correct answer is (B). Personification is giving human characteristics to an inanimate object. Beller gives the human ability of seeing to a T-Shirt; an inanimate object. A metaphor states that something is something else without using these words, choice (A), a simile is used when the author relates two objects or ideas with the words “like,” or “as,” choice (B), onomatopoeia is a word that sound like what they are supposed to mean choice (C), and alliteration is a phrase that repeats a constant sound, choice (E). 4. The correct answer is (D). The answer is all of the above because the author explains that when a person looks at an old T-Shirt, they realize they were a “whole other person” when they first got the T-Shirt. The past clearly deals with time and memories as well, so all three of them are correct answers. 5. The correct answer is (B). The tone of the passage is what the reader determines to be the feel of the passage. People who read this will find at least some humor in the fact that the author spends an entire essay writing about what is wrong with an everyday object. This passage therefore cannot be viewed as serious, choice (A), or unrealistic, choice (D). This passage also has no extreme emotion, ruling out heart-warming, choice (C) and suspenseful, choice (E). 6. The correct answer is (E). The author relates a ripped T-Shirt to a weightless object, automatically ruling out choices (A), (B), and (C), resulting in the invalidity of choice (D). 7. The correct answer is (C). Although the passage deals with fads, choice (A), purchasing reasoning, choice (D), and some example T-Shirts, choice (E), they all appear in the second paragraph and not the fourth paragraph. Also, even though the life of a T-Shirt, choice (B), is discussed in paragraph 4, the interesting and ironic part of the passage comes from the people’s reaction to the wearing and tearing of T-Shirts, making choice (C) the correct answer. 8. The correct answer is (B). The narrator states in the passage that he could not stand to hear the elephant in pain and he tried to do what he could to kill it. Based on this evidence, the reader would conclude that the narrator would least encourage a slow, painful, death. Of these choices, choice (B) is the slowest and painful as well. 9. The correct answer is (D). A simile is used when the author relates two objects or ideas with the words “like,” or “as.” In this passage, Beller relates T-Shirts to understudies using the word “like.” A metaphor states that something is something else without using these words, choice (A), personification is giving human characteristics to an inanimate object, choice (B), onomatopoeia is a word that sound like what they are supposed to mean choice (C), and alliteration is a phrase that repeats a constant sound, choice (E). 10. The correct answer is (D). As the elephant continues to struggle, the narrator tries whatever he can to get the elephant to stop struggling and die; he is desperate to put it out of its misery. He finally left because he could not stand it any longer, not because he was satisfied with the struggle of the elephant. On the other hand however, the Bermans' were incredibly satisfied because they cheered when the elephant was shot and they seemed ecstatic because after the elephant died, they had "stripped his body almost to the bones" very quickly. Since choice I is the opposite of choice II, it is not true. II and III were true and I was false. 11. The correct answer is (C). Choice (A) is pretty much a literal translation of the phrase and choice (B) has nothing to do with the story. The reader knows that the narrator hit the elephant, so choice (D) is out of the question. However, the narrator did not kill the elephant even though it was a good, accurate shot, so choice (E) is eliminated. 12. The correct answer is (E). It is not (A) or (C) because there are no comparisons being made and it is not (D) because there are no sound words. (B) can also be eliminated because there are no consistent consonants in the phrase. s**a**gged and fl**a**bby both have the same sounds, therefore it must be (E) alliteration. 13. T he correct answer is (B). (C) can be eliminated because the narrator said he could not bear to watch the dying elephant,so he would definitely not want to relive the moment. (A) can also be eliminated because something that a person cannot bear to watch is usually not intriguing to him. 14. The correct answer is (C). He is not ruthless (A) because he wanted to put the elephant out of it's misery, and he is not soft or wimpy (B) because he shot the elephant in the first place. He is not a man of little feelings (D), as he had a strong desire to put the elephant out of it's misery. Lastly (E) is not the best choice because no other animal is mentioned in the passage. 15. The correct answer choice is (C). The passage is definitely not (A) humorous- nothing the narrator said indicated that he found the dying elephant funny in any way. Parts of the story were (B) gruesome, but that was not not the general tone. Both (D) nostalgic and (E) longing can also be eliminated because they would suggest a want to remember the past, but the narrator was not particularly reminiscent of this moment. 16. The correct answer is (A). The narrators goal in this passage is to stop the animal from suffering. 17. The correct answer is (D). This is a direct quote from The Bible, as indicated by the footnote at the bottom of the passage. An illusion is a reference to a person, place, event, literary work, myth, or work of art. 18. The correct answer is (A). King was not one for fighting or hating-- he was a peaceful protest, as shown by the fact that he gave a speech instead of shooting a gun. 19. The correct answer is (B). King makes many comparisons, which would be either (A) similes or (B) metaphors, throughout his speech The majority of these comparisons do not use "like" or "as" so (A) is eliminated. 20. The correct answer is (A). When King says "I have a dream" he does not mean it literally, so (B) is eliminated. He does not mention any doubt about his dream not being able to come true, so (D) is also eliminated. King is obviously not poking fun at anyone so (E) is out of the question. Finally, no where does King give a warning (C) as to what will happen if there is no racial equality. 21. The correct answer is (D). Naming multiple states across the country suggests that equality is possible, and should exist, across the country and not just in the city they are standing in. This also adds a personal touch, because if a person can envision and hear about peace in their home state, they will feel as if King is talking to them, telling them personally to join him. 22. The correct answer is (C). King specifically quotes the Declaration, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." 23. The correct answer is (C). This is a metaphor for the fact that the rights of some races are great and the rights of others are low and that they should be settled out and equaled. 24. The correct answer is (D). Many people had built their morals upon the morals of their country and their religion. So most people followed the words of the Declaration and the Bible. By quoting these, King made people think about their racist ways and how they matched up with the words they were trying to follow. 25. The correct answer is (C). King was strong in that he stuck with his dream and did not give an option of doubt, but he was peaceful, as shown by the fact that he wrote a speech instead of shooting a gun.